Attention Mercenaries: Autobalance

unfrickintouchable:

pl-upward-base:

In the interest of fairness, Taylor Krumble, Selina Scott, and Abigail Brighton will be transferred from BLU to RED team, effective immediately. We do hope that this will help create a more even playing field for all of us.

Oh yeah, givin’ us a buncha girls. That’ll really help.

*snorts at*

manslaughter——-united:

murdertownbitch:

manslaughter——-united:

murdertownbitch:

manslaughter——-united:

murdertownbitch:

manslaughter——-united:

-Lays sporadically across the living room floor with blue prints and notes scattered everywhere, face buried in a mechanical engineering book-

Hmmm.

*hovers over nonchalantly*

Hmmmm indeed. What are you eggheading about?

-He already knows somebody is starring down at him, what with the shadow covering up his notes. But he doesn’t turn his head up until what he’s fairly certain is a woman speaks to him-

Something absolutely brilliant and probably too complicated for you to understand. No offense, you’re just not me. 

*The unimpressed deadpan look on her face doesn’t go anywhere, and she just hums.*

Yeah, that’s great. What are you doing.

-Assuming, at some point or another, Amir manages to pull himself away from the rough housing bestowed upon him so graciously by Doc-

Uuugggghhh it’s like I bloody said. 

-Taps a blueprint with his foot and adjusts very crooked fake glasses-

I’m gonna build a fighter robot. 

Because why not. 

 *she feigns a swoon*

Oh goodness gracious and heavens to Betsy, I can feel my feeble little human brain crumbling right now under the immense weight of the complexity of a goddamn rock ‘em socke ‘em robot.

Jesus dude, build up the suspense a little more, why don’t you. *snorts* But that sounds pretty rad if you can do it.

-He has to snort even though she’s being a bitch, if only because it’s pretty hilarious to see a bull dyke like her swoon- 

I WAS plannin’ on it until everyone and their fuckin’ mum decided to come into the livin’ room and badger the shit outta me. And yeah, I can do it. Engineering is the only thing I seem to do better than piss everybody off.

…. The fucks your name anyway?

*Invites herself to plop her merry ass down cross-legged in front of his notes and graphs*

Well fuck, you’re the genius who decided to do his homework where the kiddies come running through to play. Quit bitching about it and get a room or something, Christ goddamn.

*props her hands on her knees, elbows out, and grunts in consideration*

Pretty cool shit, at least. *grins* Yeah, I noticed you didn’t get much warmer a welcome than I did; what the fuck did you do, anyway? And it’s Brighton.

murdertownbitch asked: “ So, not-lame MacNamara, I've heard word that you get around. ”

southie-swiftshot:

murdertownbitch:

southie-swiftshot:

murdertownbitch:

southie-swiftshot:

Excuse me?

*lifts an eyebrow*

Uh, yeah, chill chickie, you don’t know me too much more from Adam, but you sure as shit should have figured out by now I ain’s a moralising person.

At all. 

If it makes you any less defensive, I’ve gotten around the block more times than the team has fingers to count on, including a certain lady spy on this base.

*waves a hand* At any rate, I was just nosing around, wondering if a broad like you who’s made the rounds might have hit up a chick or two. You were so defensive about the idea the last time the subject came up, got me wondering. How much of it is actual disgust, and how much of it is a kneejerk defense to hide your own wayward attractions~

*Lottie frowns and crosses her arms.*

Well. I supose not. Still don’t get why you’d think it was… lady Spy?

*Lottie knows of only three of those at Upward. It’s none of her business of course, but she finds herself wondering…

Which is cut off quickly by Brighton’s line of questioning. The Sniper reddens and stammers.*

I… what? That’s not-that’s silly, of course I’ve never been with a, a woman. I was engaged!

Yeah, lady spy. Hot piece of work on RED, but she’s a total stiff and a huge cunt.

*she laughs, though, at Lottie’s hasty defense*

Yeah? So? You weren’t engaged to any of the other men you fucked, were you? So that has jack shit to do with anything. 

Man, you’re so goody goody about it; did you seriously get around, or make that up to sound edgier?

You-

*Lottie manages to cut herself off before she says what she’s thinking. A certain Spy does spring to mind. But Brighton’s rapidfire questions are flustering and distracting.*

Look that is NOT any of your b-okay, I’m not bein’ a prude, alright, I slept with Amir, Bruce, AND Malcolm, an’ I’m not ashamed of it. And I’m obviously not… not inta ladies. Okay?

*Brighton scoffs, though the sound might be mistaken just as easily for a snorting laugh.*

Well, least you’ve got decent choice in dudes, but damn, that’s boring. Though, you did say you shot your fiance in the dick, so that’s pretty cool, still. 

But let’s sound a little more confident with that resolution, ‘ey Red?

*grins*

manslaughter——-united:

murdertownbitch:

manslaughter——-united:

murdertownbitch:

manslaughter——-united:

-Lays sporadically across the living room floor with blue prints and notes scattered everywhere, face buried in a mechanical engineering book-

Hmmm.

*hovers over nonchalantly*

Hmmmm indeed. What are you eggheading about?

-He already knows somebody is starring down at him, what with the shadow covering up his notes. But he doesn’t turn his head up until what he’s fairly certain is a woman speaks to him-

Something absolutely brilliant and probably too complicated for you to understand. No offense, you’re just not me. 

*The unimpressed deadpan look on her face doesn’t go anywhere, and she just hums.*

Yeah, that’s great. What are you doing.

-Assuming, at some point or another, Amir manages to pull himself away from the rough housing bestowed upon him so graciously by Doc-

Uuugggghhh it’s like I bloody said. 

-Taps a blueprint with his foot and adjusts very crooked fake glasses-

I’m gonna build a fighter robot. 

Because why not. 

 *she feigns a swoon*

Oh goodness gracious and heavens to Betsy, I can feel my feeble little human brain crumbling right now under the immense weight of the complexity of a goddamn rock ‘em socke ‘em robot.

Jesus dude, build up the suspense a little more, why don’t you. *snorts* But that sounds pretty rad if you can do it.

borgatabadass:

murdertownbitch:

borgatabadass:

murdertownbitch:

*elbows Doc in the back of the head*

Hey fag, I was talking first.

-Elbows her in the side.-

So what? Don’t you have some pussy to dive into?

*grunts and jabs him with her index and middle finger harshly in the chest*

I could be asking you the same thing since you’ve got double the action to get on.

Ass.

You sound a little jealous, don’t get too green or you’ll start looking like a Christmas decoration.

-Swears and rubs his chest.-

Bitch.

*snorts in satisfaction*

Maybe I am, maybe I ain’t. Maybe I’m just curious as fuck as to how a noisy dweeb like you landed two hot dames that ain’t a thing like you.

Because seriously, what the hell.

manslaughter——-united:

murdertownbitch:

manslaughter——-united:

-Lays sporadically across the living room floor with blue prints and notes scattered everywhere, face buried in a mechanical engineering book-

Hmmm.

*hovers over nonchalantly*

Hmmmm indeed. What are you eggheading about?

-He already knows somebody is starring down at him, what with the shadow covering up his notes. But he doesn’t turn his head up until what he’s fairly certain is a woman speaks to him-

Something absolutely brilliant and probably too complicated for you to understand. No offense, you’re just not me. 

*The unimpressed deadpan look on her face doesn’t go anywhere, and she just hums.*

Yeah, that’s great. What are you doing.

borgatabadass:

murdertownbitch:

*elbows Doc in the back of the head*

Hey fag, I was talking first.

-Elbows her in the side.-

So what? Don’t you have some pussy to dive into?

*grunts and jabs him with her index and middle finger harshly in the chest*

I could be asking you the same thing since you’ve got double the action to get on.

Ass.

manslaughter——-united:

-Lays sporadically across the living room floor with blue prints and notes scattered everywhere, face buried in a mechanical engineering book-

Hmmm.

*hovers over nonchalantly*

Hmmmm indeed. What are you eggheading about?

murdertownbitch asked: “ So, not-lame MacNamara, I've heard word that you get around. ”

southie-swiftshot:

murdertownbitch:

southie-swiftshot:

Excuse me?

*lifts an eyebrow*

Uh, yeah, chill chickie, you don’t know me too much more from Adam, but you sure as shit should have figured out by now I ain’s a moralising person.

At all. 

If it makes you any less defensive, I’ve gotten around the block more times than the team has fingers to count on, including a certain lady spy on this base.

*waves a hand* At any rate, I was just nosing around, wondering if a broad like you who’s made the rounds might have hit up a chick or two. You were so defensive about the idea the last time the subject came up, got me wondering. How much of it is actual disgust, and how much of it is a kneejerk defense to hide your own wayward attractions~

*Lottie frowns and crosses her arms.*

Well. I supose not. Still don’t get why you’d think it was… lady Spy?

*Lottie knows of only three of those at Upward. It’s none of her business of course, but she finds herself wondering…

Which is cut off quickly by Brighton’s line of questioning. The Sniper reddens and stammers.*

I… what? That’s not-that’s silly, of course I’ve never been with a, a woman. I was engaged!

Yeah, lady spy. Hot piece of work on RED, but she’s a total stiff and a huge cunt.

*she laughs, though, at Lottie’s hasty defense*

Yeah? So? You weren’t engaged to any of the other men you fucked, were you? So that has jack shit to do with anything. 

Man, you’re so goody goody about it; did you seriously get around, or make that up to sound edgier?

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND A PIANO ‘ROUND HERE?

windy-city-wonder:

murdertownbitch:

windy-city-wonder:

murdertownbitch:

windy-city-wonder:

offtovisityourmother:

I FEEL INSPIRED.

You know, one time me and Reggie stole a piano.. Way back in Mountain Lab.

It probably got destroyed in all 14013909105913 of it’s disasters.

*cackles*

Probably burned to shit when I torched the place.

You’re exactly the reason why we can’t have nice things.

Yeah, it’s like, half the reason I exist, probably. Actually, probably not, it’s just a good way to keep entertained.

-Shakes head.-

I just hope every day that you two don’t procreate and create some awful hell beast.

*laughs*

Oh fuck that; there’s no way in hell I’m incubating a human parasite. I’d rip my uterus out by hand before I go maternal.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND A PIANO ‘ROUND HERE?

goldencityespionage:

murdertownbitch:

windy-city-wonder:

offtovisityourmother:

I FEEL INSPIRED.

You know, one time me and Reggie stole a piano.. Way back in Mountain Lab.

It probably got destroyed in all 14013909105913 of it’s disasters.

*cackles*

Probably burned to shit when I torched the place.

Too bad the performance reviews weren’t about who can perform the highest rate of arson, aye Abigail?

*And there it is. That goddamn snap back into reality in the middle of an enjoyable moment. Fist clenching, she barely turns to acknowledge him.*

You can piss right off, Gomer Pyle. We both know you got fucking lucky.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND A PIANO ‘ROUND HERE?

offtovisityourmother:

murdertownbitch:

windy-city-wonder:

offtovisityourmother:

I FEEL INSPIRED.

You know, one time me and Reggie stole a piano.. Way back in Mountain Lab.

It probably got destroyed in all 14013909105913 of it’s disasters.

*cackles*

Probably burned to shit when I torched the place.

Yeaaaaah, figured as much.

>:1

Jesus fuck, I wanna play a piano. 

Ey, not like it matters; it wouldn’t even be here anyway, torched or not. Can you even play?

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND A PIANO ‘ROUND HERE?

windy-city-wonder:

murdertownbitch:

windy-city-wonder:

offtovisityourmother:

I FEEL INSPIRED.

You know, one time me and Reggie stole a piano.. Way back in Mountain Lab.

It probably got destroyed in all 14013909105913 of it’s disasters.

*cackles*

Probably burned to shit when I torched the place.

You’re exactly the reason why we can’t have nice things.

Yeah, it’s like, half the reason I exist, probably. Actually, probably not, it’s just a good way to keep entertained.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND A PIANO ‘ROUND HERE?

windy-city-wonder:

offtovisityourmother:

I FEEL INSPIRED.

You know, one time me and Reggie stole a piano.. Way back in Mountain Lab.

It probably got destroyed in all 14013909105913 of it’s disasters.

*cackles*

Probably burned to shit when I torched the place.

murdertownbitch asked: “ So, not-lame MacNamara, I've heard word that you get around. ”

southie-swiftshot:

murdertownbitch:

southie-swiftshot:

murdertownbitch:

southie-swiftshot:

Excuse me?

*shrugs*

Just curious; I didn’t peg you for an outgoing in the sack kind of dame.

Oh. Well.

*She crosses her arms.*

Didn’t know my sex life was a mattah of public discussion

Hey, chill; ain’t like I’m yelling it to the whole world. Call it curiosity, and I ain’t in any place to judge.

*Lottie frowns, then huffs.*

Well. Usually when people bring it up, it’s because they think they need ta moralize ta me. It’s th’ 1970s.

*lifts an eyebrow*

Uh, yeah, chill chickie, you don’t know me too much more from Adam, but you sure as shit should have figured out by now I ain’s a moralising person.

At all. 

If it makes you any less defensive, I’ve gotten around the block more times than the team has fingers to count on, including a certain lady spy on this base.

*waves a hand* At any rate, I was just nosing around, wondering if a broad like you who’s made the rounds might have hit up a chick or two. You were so defensive about the idea the last time the subject came up, got me wondering. How much of it is actual disgust, and how much of it is a kneejerk defense to hide your own wayward attractions~